What we are born into is our fate. We are born into a certain family, we are born into a certain physical body. We have a gender. We come in either male or female, straight, gay, bi-sexual or we have some other fate in terms of our gender identification, or perhaps even physical identification as to what our gender is, if we have hermaphrodite or androgynous tendencies or appearance.
The physical package that we’re born into becomes a big part of our fate, especially if we are born into a culture that has rigid rules around the roles of men and women or distorted moral codes that it applies to those who love the same gender. That’s the package that we get, and we’re supposed to do something with it.
We not only get mum and dad, but we get siblings if they’re there, we get a gender, we get a nation that we’re born into.
Our country is part of our fate and the circumstances in our country are part of that. We get a religion or a philosophical teaching, a way of life and a way of looking at the world through our culture’s lens and filter.
We get a culture. We get a set of rules. We get a set of manners. Those sets of manners are also important, because what’s considered polite in one country is deemed very impolite in another country: that alone should inform us that much of what we believe is simply inherited and not the definitive truth. All of that we are born into is part of our fate. Fate is a given, destiny is what we do with it.
When it comes to healing on any level, the most important quality or virtue is courage. In order not to relive our personal, family, national or ethnic history we must have the courage to face our past, or indeed to examine what we are creating in the present. What is absolutely necessary is our willingness to tell and know the absolute truth.
Without this courage to face the absolute truth, all other qualities we consider to be good and virtuous, such as love, forgiveness, acceptance, tolerance, kindness, charity and understanding, are only temporary states of being for none of them can exist in our world unless they are supported by courage.
Likewise, courage does not exist unless fear is present. Fear of judgment, fear of exposure, the fear of being shamed and the fear of being undefended, the very real fear that if we do reveal our light it in some way could be extinguished and we would fade into non-existence.
Without courage we can simply succumb to our fate and allow it to be the cornerstone of our lives, dictating the outcome of every relationship and life experience: in essence, more like a millstone than a solid cornerstone from which to build something that expresses who we truly are, as opposed to the distorted self-view born from our wounding.
However, all of the limiting life patterns that we experience really emerge from resisting that which was given, our fate. Yes, this sounds like a contradiction. In order for us to evolve our fate into a destiny of our choosing, we must first submit to whatever happened, to the fate that was given. We cannot heal what should not have happened, we can only heal what DID happen.
This means having the courage to cease resisting what is and what was. It means having the courage to accept everything that befell us in childhood even when it seems so terribly unfair or wrong. Feeling that something is either unfair or wrong does not have the power to change the fact of what actually happened – we simply do not have that power.
However, on the one hand we can long for healing whilst at the same time preaching or complaining that it should never have happened to us, it should never have happened to me. A challenging question can be: why not? Why shouldn’t it have happened to you?
With that I am not suggesting that you deserved it, asked for it, or in some way are only worthy of such treatment, but when we carry ourselves in the world with an attitude that bad things should not happen to us, when clearly we have little to no control of so many of the world’s events, this feeling simply serves to set us apart.
Somehow we make ourselves ‘special’ and look for reasons as to why it should not have happened to us. When we bow with humility to what actually happened, to what DID happen, to what IS, much of our suffering is relieved.
When we cannot accept our fate, we cannot accept ourselves. Our fate forms the building block of who we are, it has set the stage for our development and our direction in life. When we condemn and resist our fate, seeing ourselves as above it, we fall into the trap of never being able to accept ourselves as we are. Something can always be better and no matter what we do or achieve, it is never enough.
We live in a world of opposites, we have up and down, left and right, light and dark and so on and so forth and within life’s lessons lies opposites as well – we live in a world of comparison and our free will allows us to create a life of our choosing.
So no matter where we stand in life, all that is not wanted is an opportunity for us to launch ourselves forward towards what we do want.
#familyconstellations #johnlpayne #shavasti